WMW issue #10: Rashi Kakkar, management consultant in Toronto, and mum to a toddler
"You get what you ask for. And if you don't ask, you don't get"
Today I send this newsletter to you from Alexandria in Egypt, where we are for some rest and relaxation as we are on our Eid break. The weather is 10 degrees cooler than Dubai (25 degrees Celsius in the day - 15 degrees Celsius at night). Yes, fresh. We are in a beautiful resort in the middle of a run down, dilapidated city. I have mixed feelings.
I hope those of you celebrating Eid have a wonderful break.
This issue of working mum wisdom comes to you all the way from Toronto. I met Rashi through this newsletter platform, Substack (ah the wonders of the web!).
"You never really know what’s going to happen until you put something out into the world and let your audience react" quoting danoshinsky in his April issue of Not a Newsletter.
Rashi also runs a newsletter for working parents on Substack called ‘Decks and Diapers’, for which she also interviewed me a few months ago, incase you want to check it out here.
I believe the creator economy has so much to offer, and it’s great to see other working mums like Rashi embrace it too. We had a great chat on zoom, and here are the highlights.
Meet Rashi Kakkar, management consultant and mum to a 2-year old
Q. Tell us a bit about yourself
My name is Rashi and I am based out of Toronto where I live with my 2-year old human baby, my 5 year old furry baby (dog) and my other human baby - my husband :P
I like to consider myself as someone who has had a portfolio of different careers ranging from sports management, brand consulting, television, writing to most recently - management consulting.
Both my parents were doctors in the Indian Army and so growing up I moved a lot . Moving out of your comfort zone teaches you a lot and as I became an adult somewhere I missed all the newness, excitement and growth that moving to a new place brought. So in 2016 my then boyfriend and now husband and I decided to move to Canada.It was one of the best decisions we made as a couple (besides marrying each other) and now Toronto is home!
In my limited free time I enjoy reading, writing (I live on Twitter and also run a bi-weekly newsletter) and breaking into a sweat (a good strength training session, a bike ride, game of Tennis or a swim). .
Q. You had your daughter at the beginning of the pandemic, how was that?
Yes, I felt like my entire world changed so quickly. Luckily in Canada we have a generous maternity leave policy - 18 months that you can split between the parents. There are rights in place that you can keep your professional trajectory and I think that is the beauty of being in a country like Canada.
So I took a year off which was, very, very intense. I assumed it would be relaxing but the truth is I couldn't wait to get back to work. I actually started my newsletter Decks and Diapers when I was on maternity leave and a big reason why I started it was because my brain was missing adult conversation.
Q. So now that you're back to work full-time and we're kind of getting out of the pandemic, how are you juggling everything?
I think the first big thing which has been a blessing, has been childcare. We decided to send our daughter to daycare when she was 10-months old and many thought it was too early. My husband and I decided that we're happier human beings when we also get to live our lives and do our own thing. We also felt that my daughter had no other human contact except us since she was born, so from a social development point of view it was important for her.
The second thing that helped is being transparent with all the teams I work with. Sometimes we put in 12 - 13 hour work days so for me, I think what worked is just being upfront about having a child. And then I would block off certain hours. Like from 6pm-8pm, I'm not available unless there's something's about to blow up. That's the time I spend with my daughter without any devices.
And the third thing is, I have a phenomenal partner. I don't think you can do this without someone who gets it, who takes on a lot of work in the house.
Q. Where do you see yourself in the future as a working mum?
I'm someone who's always been ambitious. My mum was a doctor who had a family and I saw her do very well for herself professionally. I also want to be that role model for my daughter. I believe you will not have everything at the same time, but you can have everything you want. It just means that some things will happen later versus sooner!
Right now I am raising a 2-year old which is extremely intensive. I think what I want is that at the end of my career is that I hit almost all the milestones I wanted to hit professionally. And I'm okay with the fact that the timing may be a little off.
I want my daughter to grow up knowing that some days I'm busy with work and it's okay, but there are some days when she really wants me, I will drop everything because she is the biggest priority in my life.
I believe you will not have everything at the same time, but you can have everything you want.
Q. How do you stay motivated and inspired?
I would say my motivation and inspiration is linked to three things:
1) My personality: I think one is just me as a person, it is just intrinsic. I've always enjoyed challenges, stepping up, doing more, having people observe me as I go about “climbing mountains” .
2) Committing to doing things: Take my newsletter. There are days when I'm really exhausted and I want to do nothing, but I need to put that newsletter together because I’ve committed to it and people expect it in their inboxes.
3) Meeting interesting people and learning about them: I’m an extrovert so meeting other people who are different from me, energizes me. I connect with so many people through my newsletter, that keeps me going too.
Q. What are your biggest challenges as a working mum?
I think it’s getting time for yourself to be a human. After having kids, weekends are not yours anymore. You're still working, but it's different kind of work, right? I think it's that constant responsibility - your brain constantly thinking for someone else which is exhausting. Some days all you want is to be an adult for yourself.
I have a little hack on overcoming this. Every few months I just take one or two days off work while my daughter goes to daycare. I watch TV, I read a book, I nap, go out and play a round of golf… and it's just beautiful. And I feel like that recharges me enough to go on for another few months.
Q. What is your best productivity hack?
Three things here:
A realistic to-do list. This is not work related but mainly family and house related.
Buying time (quite literally!) We started spending our money on things that help us get time. Paying for grocery delivery. Paying for house-cleaning. Paying for cooking.
Recognizing what our ‘energy draining’ and ‘energy giving’ activities are. For example, a 20-minute quick workout will energize me to get through things much better than if I don’t exercise.
Q. How do you balance your time in the family?
We have our lists of things that replenish us as a family, and as a couple; and individually we have our non-negotiable things. Being outdoors rejuvenates us all, so on weekends no matter what the weather, we are out as a family a lot. Once my daughter is asleep, my husband and I catch up on some television together.
My husband’s non-negotiable is that he needs to play soccer on the weekend. My non-negotiable is I need to do some strength training and some reading.
And then we both have time on the weekend when my daughter's napping and we do our own thing. We literally pretend like we don't know each other! This all has really helped with my mental health.
Q. What is your parenting mantra?
I like to call it ‘free range parenting’. I set routines for my daughter, with some flexibility in them but the flexibility has guardrails. Some things are sacrosanct though, like bedtimes.
Also, I have realized that parenting advice changes generationally and a lot of things have changed over time. So, finding people in your own generation to get advice from is super helpful.
Q. How has becoming a mum changed the way you work?
I think people who are parents are just very, very, very efficient workers. I think you become so hyper efficient that it's so clear to determine what's critical, what's actually going to move the needle, and what is really not needed.
And you actually become a really good team manager. Who better to learn patience from than a toddler who on a lot of days is just being unreasonable and testing boundaries!
I've also become a lot more comfortable advocating for my own needs.
Q. What's your advice to mums looking to start working again?
I think a lot of times, once we become parents we lose our identity. Don't let that go.
Also know that you don't have to follow any particular camp. If you find being a mum completely fulfilling, don't let anybody judge you for your choices. Similarly, if within three months of having a baby you cannot wait to go back to work and need a full-time nanny, that’s cool too. Don't be apologetic about it.
At the end of the day, you know yourself best. You are a better mum for your kid and they are better off having that individual in their life than someone who is constantly unhappy with the choices they've made because they became a mum. There's no right or wrong, you’ve got to do what’s good for you.
Q. What’s your favourite tool?
Evernote! It’s like my second brain. It’s a place where I can store all my notes and ideas that is easy to search too.
Another one is a basic calendar app. We have a family calendar where my husband and I block out our times so we don’t lose track and it's very clearly laid out who needs to cover what and when!
Q. Your favourite quote:
You get what you ask for. And if you don't ask, you don't get.
Q. What is the best thing you have read or watched lately?
This book called Minor Feelings: An Asian American Reckoning.
If you enjoyed this and feel someone else can benefit from this conversation or this community, please share!
If you have any questions or comments for Rashi, do leave a comment here or hit reply and I will make sure she gets your message.
And lastly, if you haven’t subscribed yet, please do so that these articles can come straight to your inbox.
Have a great week!
Love,
Abha x
Thanks for the feature Abha!