Rediscover your Unicorn Space

Inspiration from author Eve Rodsky

There is no doubt that you lose a little bit of yourself after becoming a mum.

I feel this happens because we prioritize everything else around us: our kids, our work, the house, managing schedules and chores. By the time it comes to doing something for ourselves, more often than not, we are knackered and end up slumped on the couch doing something mindless like scrolling social media or watching bad television. If we are sensible, we may choose sleep.

In my case, if I have any energy between things, I prioritize exercise or a long shower. And that’s about it.

I used to dance, almost every day. Salsa, tango, contemporary, ballet. It was my outlet of expression and gave me complete joy. Dance was my moving meditation that kept me present and also lit a fire inside me.

It was my Unicorn Space.

A term coined by author Eve Rodsky in her book Find Your Unicorn Space, she is referring to our personal time, the time we use to tap into ourselves that fuels our creativity; something we seem to have lost in our overly busy lives.

Rodsky’s book, based on research; interviews with experts in psychology, sociology, neuroscience, behavioral economics, law, and chats with over 150 individuals, affirms that personal time isn’t a luxury but a necessity for our mental health, physical well-being, and our very sense of self.

Only now that my children are growing up, and I am transitioning out of my job, I have felt able to open that compartment inside me and start thinking about how I am going to incorporate more Unicorn Space into my new schedule.

“You cannot find and inhabit your Unicorn Space unless you are committed to prioritizing yourself and your own time,” Eve Rodsky, author of Find Your Unicorn Space

I think after becoming a mum, when going dancing wasn’t the most practical thing to do (salsa socials only get going around 11pm; any other dance required a twice a week commitment to keep up with the choreography) I did find other outlets, like acrobatics and writing this newsletter!

Not only have these activities been “my time”, they are also energy giving activities. They fuel my creativity and motivation, which is really what we lack when we are constantly chasing our tails.

Give yourself permission to be unavailable

“Your time is finite - like diamonds - and thereby valuable. So preserve some of it for yourself by making an intentional choice to step away from everything that is demanding it from you,” writes Rodsky. “Your space is limited too, so give yourself permission to be ‘unavailable’ so that you may engage in creative pursuits that fulfill you.”

It is okay for us to not be available for a little time every week. We need to reframe any guilt we may have that is linked to investing in ourselves.

A wise friend once said to me, your children will take everything you give them and always ask for more. It’s okay to have your own boundaries.

Redefining midlife success

Since I became a mother, success to me has meant having the basics in place: A fulfilling job, with a salary that is enough, that gives me the flexibility, time and mental space that I need to also be with my family.

More recently, my job has no longer been fulfilling which is one of the reasons I chose to resign from it.

Another reason was because I am so aware of getting older and having regrets of not pursuing work that inspires and gives me the life I want. Perhaps this is heightened by being in my midlife.

“Midlife can be a time of many changes: You might see an increase or decrease in responsibilities, such as your children becoming more independent or having to care for an aging parent. You may realize your career path is less than satisfactory and regret missing out on pursuing work you consider more meaningful. You may start to realize your physical abilities have declined with age, your relationships are not what fulfill you or that you missed a major goal you wanted to achieve along the line,” Shelby Simon, Forbes Magazine

What is your Unicorn Space?

Any of you feel the same? What is your Unicorn Space?

If you are not sure what it might be anymore, the author’s advice is to follow your curiosity. Great advice, also given by Elizabeth Gilbert in Big Magic.

Eve’s book is full of inspirational quotes and I could go on referencing them. I recommend getting hold of it so you can determine your own ‘living legacy’.

I will close with a quote the author has cited by Anne Lamott from Bird by Bird, another favourite book of mine:

“What if you wake up some day, and you’re 65, or 75, and you never got your memoir or novel written; or you didn’t go swimming in warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It’s going to break your heart. Don’t let this happen.”

On that note, I will leave you to find your Unicorn Space.

Love,

Abha x